Posted by Theia

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Here are some memorable quotes from "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back".

Released in the USA on August 24 of 2001, "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" is an Adventure/Comedy/Romance film directed by Kevin Smith , starring Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith, Ben Affleck, Jeff Anderson, Shannon Elizabeth and Eliza Dushku.

If you know of any other memorable quotes, please do not hesitate to post them! Or simply if you want to share comments!

Thank you!

Note from the Webmaster: I messed up with the database once, and some quotes are now showing under the wrong film :-/... I am trying to fix this, but you can always report such mistakes.


Jason Mewes
Jason Mewes (Jay)
All you motherfuckers are gonna pay! You are the ones who are the ball-lickers! We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little bitches! Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat! Then all you motherfucks are next! Love, Jay and Silent Bob.
[has just freed Silent Bob after he gets stuck in an open sewer pipe] Just like Winnie the Pooh.
[Trying to talk his way out of a drug bust] What? I've got a wiping problem. I just stick those little pieces up my brown-eye and bam! I get no stains in my undies. What you don't believe me? Check this shit out. Spread my cheeks, so he can see the fucking stink nuggets!

Eliza Dushku
Eliza Dushku (Sissy)
Y'know, I don't get you, Justice. You used to be into all this girl stuff. Stealing, boning, blowing shit up, and now you're like this little priss with a conscience. It's really a fucking drag.

I don't get out to the movies that much, but "Bluntman and Chronic" was blunt-tastic.
[on his cell phone] Plaschke, this is Willenholly. I need you to get me on the national news, pronto. Why? Because we may very well be dealing with the two most dangerous men on the planet.
We don't want to rub the C.L.I.T. the wrong way.

Jon Stewart
Jon Stewart (Reg Hartner)
And we do want to say to the people at home, the clit is not something to be played with.

Chris Rock
Chris Rock (Chaka Luther King)
[Sniffing out white people] Cra-cra-cracker?
Do you think "Fat Albert" had an inker? No, Bill Cosby did the whole thing with a roller and it was EXCELLENT.
Dance, pie fucker! ...Damn, these white boys can't fight.

Ben Affleck
Ben Affleck (Holden McNeil/Himself)
Why in God's name would I wanna keep writing about characters whose central preoccupation are weed and dick and fart jokes? I mean, ya gotta grow man. Don't you ever want anything more for yourself? I know this poor hapless son of a bitch [Silent Bob] does. I look into his sorry doe eyes and I just, I see a man crying out. He's crying out, "When Lord? When the fuck can your servant ditch this foul-mouthed little chucklehead to whom I am a constant victim of his folly, so much so that it prevents him from ever getting to kiss a girl! Fuck! When, Lord when? WHENS GONNA BE MY TIME'"
Fuck Jay and Silent Bob. Fuck them up their stupid asses.
[quoting Chasing Amy] "Well, look at these morose motherfuckers right here. Looks like somebody shit in their cereal..." Bong.

Jason Lee
Jason Lee (Brodie Bruce/Banky Edwards)
And on that note, we cue the music.
[to a customer at his comic shop, bending a comic's spine] It is a comic book, not your dick! Show some respect. Hold it like you'd hold a woman.

Seann William Scott
Seann William Scott (Brent)
[trying to compose a bad protest song] Hey Mr. Science Guy... don't spray that aerosol in my eye... for... for I... I don't really wanna die. I'm a noble rabbit...

Judd Nelson
Judd Nelson (Sheriff)
The hell with this. Let's go back to the station house, and cornhole us a drunk.

Susan Engel
Susan Engel (Ben Affleck's Make-Up Artist)
Are we gonna have a problem... again?

Brian O'Halloran
Brian O'Halloran (Dante Hicks)
I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Jeff Anderson
Jeff Anderson (Randal Graves)
See? I told you that restraining order was a good idea.
See? If you were funnier than that, ABC wouldn't have cancelled us.

Scott Mosier
Scott Mosier (GWH2 Assistant Director/Willam Black)
[staring up at the Bluntman and Chronic marquee] That's beautiful, man.

Ali Larter
Ali Larter (Chrissy)
[Chrissy breaks wind loudly in the diamond vault, causing the alarms to go off] Holy Fuck! The little stoner was right!

Dialogues from "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back"

Ben Affleck's Make-Up Artist (Susan Engel)
[ready to act but haven't heard "Action"] So? Action, Gus or what?

Gus Van Sant
→ Christ, Ben, I said I'm busy.

Chaka's Production Assistant
[after asked to get a new clean latte] Here's your coffee sir, booger-free.

Chaka Luther King (Chris Rock)
[slaps it out his hands] Get that shit the fuck out of here.

Chaka Luther King (Chris Rock)
→ This movie is gonna make House Party look like House Party 2.

Chaka's Production Assistant
→ Or House Party 3!

Chaka Luther King
→ Shut the fuck up.

Jay (Jason Mewes)
→ And I can't believe fine-ass bitches like yourselves eat that shit. Don't you know fast food makes girls fart?

Brent (Seann William Scott)
[getting into the van] Say, what's all this talk about farting?

→ Fire a warning shot into his bulbous ass.

Sheriff (Judd Nelson)
→ One rectal breach comin' up.



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